LOVE BREEDS CONTENTMENT

A Meditation by the Rev. Dr. James G. Kirk

Harundale Presbyterian Church

Glen Burnie, Maryland

February 2, 2003

Text: “Love builds up.” (1 Corinthians 8:1)

First Reading: Deuteronomy 18:15-20

Second Reading: Mark 1:21-28

I have a friend who had been in an abusive relationship for about two years. We all knew about it and tried to talk some sense into her. Why, for example, would anyone want to put up with always verbally being put down whenever they were out in public? It was obvious to us at least that all her so called “friend” ever thought about was himself. He was one of those who, whenever they were out in public, would make some disparaging comment about her and then look around to see if we all agreed with him. When none of us made any comment he just kept it up, never saying anything nice about her. None of us saw what she saw in him or why she continued to put up with it.

The relationship came to a head one night when his verbal abuse got physical. During an argument they were having, he pushed her down and began banging her head against the floor. She got free of him, called 911 and had the police arrest him. We thought then that she had finally come to her senses. But, you probably know the rest of the story. The next day when he got out of jail he called her, and pleaded with her to take him back; he would never touch her again. He promised to behave nicely toward her when out in public. Just give him one more chance! Well, she took him back and it was then that we decided on an intervention. We wouldn’t talk to her until she came to her senses.

Throughout her whole relationship with him we saw what it was doing to her. It was as though his abuse of her was poisoning her whole system. She complained about everything; she seldom smiled; she always had issues about one thing or another. It was obvious that she was not a contented person. It showed in her work, her relationships with other people, how she took care of herself. Then one day everything changed. She told him she never wanted to see him again; she’d had enough of his belligerence and if he kept pursuing her she would have a court order forbidding him to have any contact with her.

That was about a year ago. Today, she’s a changed person. She’s in a loving relationship with someone who obviously cares a great deal about her and, as a result, she cares more about herself. Her countenance is changed. She laughs more. The issues have dissipated and she carries herself with a sense of respect that demands respect. She has become a very contented person.

And that is what Paul is getting at this morning. He says it very simply, “knowledge puffs up, but love builds up.” Concentrate for a moment on the difference between something that puffs up and something that builds up. When the man verbally abused our friend in public he was intent on puffing himself up. You remember that I’d said all he cared about was himself and he thought that by berating her he would puff himself up. That’s why he sought affirmation from anyone who was around them. When he didn’t get it he had to keep putting her down in order to puff himself up.

Contrast that with something that builds up. Things that build up are long lasting; they’re in it for the long term. They’re going to have abiding effects. Often they’re other oriented rather than self oriented. To puff up someone thinks of how it will effect him or her. To build up someone thinks of how it will effect others. Again, now that our friend is in a loving relationship she concentrates on how she can build up what she’s found with her companion rather than how her previous friend had to puff himself up at her expense.

Look at any deteriorating condition anywhere, in the world, in the nation, the state, even the Presbyterian church and you will see a concentration on puffing up rather than building up. As you read through the rest of the Corinthian correspondence notice how Paul always comes back to the church, how it’s made up of many components and no one component can exert undue influence to the detriment of another. The body, any body has to work together, and when one component of that body puffs itself up rather than builds towards the common strength then the whole body will suffer.

We see it in the United Nations; we see it in the Palestinian, Israeli situation; we see it in Africa; we see it in our own interpersonal relations; we even see it in the church. The problem today is that because of the speed of mass communication no one is exempt when someone puffs rather than builds. In a recent editorial Thomas Friedman made two very profound observations. The first was an American Indian saying—“If we don’t turn around now, we just may get where we’re going.” Of course he was referring to the Arab world and his point was that, “if we don’t help the Arabs turn around now, they just may get where they’re going—a dead end where they will produce more and more (terrorists)” (The Sun, Thursday, Jan. 23, 2003: Page 13A)

The second was that “if you don’t visit a bad neighborhood, it will visit you.” In other words, at some point we need to concentrate on building up rather than puffing up. Our friend too the initiative she needed to turn her life around. She’d had enough and was no longer going to settle for the puffing up that made her life so miserable. We need to do the same. This next week here’s a spiritual exercise we all can practice. In everything we do ask the simple question, is what I’m doing puffing up or building up? If it’s the former consider the harm it may do to the body of Christ. If it’s the latter thanks be to God!

Amen